I thought maybe writing this post the day after would be easier... it's not.
Yesterday I got a heartbreaking phone call, telling me that sweet, beautiful Megan had passed away.
I don't know how many times I said, "No, no, no, no, no, no...", "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh."
She has been fighting Leukemia for 4 months now, and I really thought she would win the battle.
I assured her that she would.
This was just a bump in the road.
An unfortunate and unfathomable trial that she was being asked to go through...
Not being with her baby... losing her hair... going through so much pain....
It wasn't supposed to last.
She was supposed to get her miracle.
I've not dealt with a lot of death in my life.
I've had two grandparents pass away in old age and even then it was still hard to say goodbye.
I'm so grateful for the gospel and yet, still find myself questioning God...
Why Megan?
She was so young, so talented, so amazing.
Why did we pray so hard if this is what our answer was?
I've said some of my most heartfelt, pleading prayers in her behalf.
I've literally begged Heavenly Father to heal her.
I know that he has a plan for all of us.
I know that he hears our prayers.... I really do know that.
But this is a hard one to accept.
Rylee will not know the exceptional woman who gave her life, in this lifetime.
How is that fair?
I suppose these questions will be answered in time...
And that is why it's called a test of faith.
I can't think of her without breaking down.
I wonder when the tears will stop.
I feel privledged to have been her friend these past two years.
I'm so grateful for my memories...
Meeting her at Dave and Busters during orientation week and learning they had moved from Hawaii...so cool...
Our first year going to the Wing Festival and joking the whole time that it really should have been us that won the {Miss Buffalo Wing} contest.. next year for sure....
Memoaning our fate of moving to Buffalo and not having jobs... scheming what kind of business we could go into together...
Snarfing on Olive Garden salad and breadsticks on her first birthday out here....
Being excited for her decison to get her masters and then celebrating her graduation...
Finding out she was pregnant and answering all her nervous questions about childbirth, nursing, and babies....
Reading the heartwrenching plea of her mother on Facebook to go be with them after they found out she might have Leukemia....
Spending Rylee's first day of life in the hospital with her...
Visting Megan in the hospital and being amazed at her strength....
STILL being amazed by her strength...
Megan,
I'm devasted that you are not with us.
That we don't get to enjoy your funny sense of humor, model smile, magnetic personality, and gorgeous looks.
I was always so envious of those qualitites.
I will miss your voice.
Thank you for teaching me to enjoy every day...
every moment... of this life.
Because you lived it to the fullest.
We don't know how long our time is and it's not to be taken for granted.
I look forward to when I get to see you again.
I know I will.
All my love,
Stephanie
8 comments:
Well you definitely made my tears start all over again! What a sweet tribute to Megan. She was such an amazing girl and it's so hard to understand the "whys" of it all. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, you are so good at putting things into words.
You made me cry also. It dosen't seem fair that some one so young and talented with a brand new baby should be taken. But our Heavenly Father is in charge and sees the whole picture and has a plan. I always have to go back to Elder Scott's conference message of not asking why but what can I or did I learn. We are so fortunate to have the gospel and to know the plan. My heart goes out to you and all of Megan's friends and family. I did not know her only through you but she was always in my prayers and on the Mesa Temple Prayer Roll. My love to you.
Oh Steph, I'm so sorry. I can't help but put myself in Ryan's, Megan's, Rylee, or Megan's mom's shoes. I really don't get this. I thought for sure they were getting a miracle. I just figured there were so many of us praying and fasting for Megan. I knew she was getting a miracle and it didn't happen. It just breaks my heart. Then I start thinking about all the other people that are affected by similar situations and my heart just breaks and I cry and cry. It's soooo sad and so hard for me to understand. I know you were close with Megan. I'm so sorry. Let me know if you need anything.
I knew you would write something beautiful about Megan, so I've checked your blog several times since I heard the news. It is so devastating. I love that you shared specific memories with her.
It's so hard dealing with death, especially when it happens to somebody it shouldnt. Your hearts just go out to the families involved and pray that they may somehow find peace through all the hardships and questions of why. She seemed like a wonderful person and I am glad Casey and I got to meet Ryan. I'm sorry that you lost somebody special to you but your tribute was perfect. Love you!
Steph I thought you wrote this perfectly! It made me cry reading this and then that last picture of their little family made me cry even harder just thinking of how now Ryan has to do this all on his own with out Megan, it's just sad and way too hard for anyone to understand why. I love you and SO grateful we have the gospel always and especially during times like this.
That last picture of them with their new baby is priceless. I don't know them, but you can see their love and excitement in the picture. It just makes you grateful that families can be together forever.
I am so sorry for your pain and for that sweet families.
I'm glad I'm not the only one you made cry. This post was a lot. I think it hurts a little less when people get the "normal" life span we all expect. I've never had to deal with losing a friend that's my age, let alone one who just had a baby. I really can't imagine and am sorry you have to go through that.
I imagine he asked you to speak at the funeral because you're so good with words, I've always thought you were and you really touched me. It's really important at times like these to know there is a plan and that families are forever. I miss you and hope you have a great Thanksgiving.
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