May

 Weston and Tanner loving the East mark skate park.

Giving the kids their Europe souvenirs was fun! They were thrilled with the dumpling squishees. The boys all got soccer jerseys from Turkey. Olive got a handmade necklace of her name in Greek.

I had to go to San Tan mall for something and couldn't help myself. I needed a little gelato from Frost to ease myself back into real living ;)

It's too bad he couldn't turn 43 in Italy but I'm sure the kids liked having him around on his special day. Although I'm pretty sure it was a long day at work and interviews at the church!  

Marcie suggested we do family camping the first weekend of May many months ago. I was wary of agreeing, but know how hard it is to coordinate everyone's schedules. Going camping days after getting back from a huge trip, same weekend as Mother's Day and weeks before school gets out was not easy. Olive's dance director was frustrated that she missed a big rehearsal that Saturday. Travis needed to work so I drove up without him on Thursday. That first night was MISERABLE. SO soooo cold. I tried to sleep in my car and I froze. The kids were in tents. Travis came the next day and brought more blankets so I thought I'd be good the second night. Nope. Froze again. Tossed and turned all night. I can't remember the last time I was that cranky. It is just too cold to go camping in May without a camper. I am writing this down so I don't let time mess with my memory and agree to do this again someday! I love my family and we made great memories and I'm grateful we all made the effort to be there but I can definitely tell my "old age" is wearing on my capacity to sacrifice comfort and sleep voluntarily haha!

Grandpa made yummy cobbler and in general went above and beyond to make the trip a success. He booked the port-a-potties, brought water, canopies, camping stoves and I'm sure a dozen more things I'm forgetting. He is always working so hard to provide for us and it doesn't go unnoticed.

Abbey planned a scavenger hunt for the kids. They had great fun making forts, digging in the dirt, throwing rocks and anything that involved getting dirty! I brought up bowling balls so the older boys could play "bowling golf". We played some wiffle ball, had a cornhole tournament, a dance party, and lots of card games!

Mother's Day is very different with the kids getting older. I don't want alone time and a nap. I just want to be with these kids. They are so good to me and I am SO GRATEFUL I have chosen to be a stay-at-home mom all these years. They were HARD years. But being on this side of it I see clearer than ever how short the overall time is when they're young. I don't have to have any regrets about not being there enough for them. They are each kind, thoughtful, remarkable humans. I'm proud of each one and LOVE being their mom. 

There is an older woman who moved into our ward who has taken a liking to me and sends the KINDEST text messages. It's a little bewildering to me because I haven't done much more than just talk to her at church and take a bit of an interest in her life. I wanted to document one to remind me to be this generous to others.

Olive's end of the year orchestra concert! She's becoming quite the musician and I love hearing her play! I talked her into at least one more year!

I don't have time to write the full story but several months ago I read a girl's story on Instagram about why she left the church. Pres. Nelson as an apostle was good friends with her grandfather. So much so, he spoke at her grandfather's funeral. In his talk he bestowed an apostolic blessing that no one in his family would ever leave the church. She heard that and knew that she would leave and she did. So she declared him a false prophet. I felt icky when I read it. While I knew that him being a false prophet wasn't true, I wasn't quite sure WHY it wasn't true. Why would he say that if it wasn't going to come to pass? It bothered me and stuck with me although I didn't talk about it with anyone. I always want things to make sense and this didn't make sense to me. Then, while I was reading in Deuteronomy I came across this verse and laughed. I actually laughed. It was so simple. There was the answer. Perhaps it wouldn't satisfy someone else, but it satisfied me. Later, I was talking to Bron about it and he added that an apostalic blessing is not prophesy. It's just like a patriarchal blessing. It depends on the faithfulness and agency of those it speaks to. I wanted to remember this experience because I believe that when we have questions, doubts or things just don't make sense, it's important to keep moving forward. The Lord often answers our questions. Not always, but often. And if not now, eventually. I also want to remember the icky feeling I had when I initially read this girl's story. It's like my spirit knew something wasn't right. There was darkness. I haven't really loved studying the Old Testament this year but was grateful I found an answer here. 

The Duxbury family moved into our ward in the fall. The mom, Cheryl, has been battling cancer for 8 years but it has been getting so much worse. We've visited them in their home and I've taken her to treatments at the hospital and spent many hours visiting her in the hospital. She is the kindest woman. She was losing her hair and desperately wanted to keep it, but it was so tangly and matted. I spent a long time brushing it, trying to get it untangled, but to no avail. So much would fall out in my brush and before long I'd have a garbage full of hair. It broke my heart. At the suggestion of one of her friends, I bought a book with questions to ask her and record her answers. She only felt up to this on one visit. She had tumors and open wounds all over her body and was in such terrible pain. I tried to help her into my car once and just touching her caused her so much pain. She cried often. These were incredibly sad months watching a mom fight desperately to stay on earth with her family. Hospice finally came to her home but she still needed around the clock care. I had offered to stay with her one afternoon. I helped the nurse while she was there, but mostly just stayed near her bedside while she slept. She couldn't really talk and was losing sense of her surroundings. I didn't know it, but that would be the last day she was able to communicate at all. She passed a day and a half later. I sat on her bed and told her how brave she has been and that she was a beautiful daughter of God and shared my testimony. Her eyes filled with tears and I sensed a bit of fear there. I left wondering why some go through such horrible trials. Why others don't. Why I am still here with my family and she is watching from the other side. We had their family over for dinner a couple weeks after the funeral and the girls stayed to play after their dad went home. While I was driving them home, one of the girls asked Olive for her phone number but realized she didn't have her phone with her so she said, "I'll ask my mom to get it!" Then instantly she realized her mistake and awkwardly said, "Oh wait, my mom is dead". And probably not knowing how to act, she laughed a sad laugh. Listening from the front seat, I gulped and blinked back tears. May we never take a single day for granted. 

Greenfield had a car show that Travis took Tanner to!

Tanner did great at his piano recital! We love Annie! It was fun to see the Porter's there too.

Olive's last competition in Glendale. I spent most of Friday and all of Saturday there. I got to see Shelley and Camilla there! Shelley and I did some shopping at the outlet mall there. 

Travis took Tanner to Monster Trucks out in Queen Creek! Landon and Austin went too!

I was getting ready for bed and noticed a glow coming from the backyard. I peered through the blinds and finally made sense of what I was seeing. Weston's lightsaber had finally come and he was testing it out! I had to giggle. In my day, owning a lighsaber was big time nerd behavior. But Weston is smitten by this new "hobby". He convinced Graham to get one too. Later in the summer when I took them to FSY, they both brought them and when I was checking them in, they got so many comments from counselors and other kids about how cool they were. I guess I'm out of touch haha!

Kayda graduated and spoke at Baccalaureate so Collin and I went to support her! 

Our sweet neighbor, Allie, also graduated! We love her so much! She started taking the missionary lessons with us when she was a freshman. 

I helped organize a candlelight vigil for the Duxbury family the Sunday after Cheryl passed. These songs were perfect.

It's the end of the school year and time to write thank you cards for all their teachers!! Their favorite night I'm sure. I loved Weston's cards.

I bought these cupcake flower bouquets for Paige and Kayda. I love how cute they are with the little graduation hats!

Helping out at Tanner's class party! The last week of school is really a joke. It's just a straight week of partying. 

Collin, Paige, Olive and I helped water balloon Tanner's bus on the last day!

Olive wanted to throw an end of the year swim party so Grandma was nice enough to let us use her pool! Rose, Ruby, Mae, 

I bought a baseball slip-n-slide and the older boys wanted in on that action. 

Time to buy more temple books for the graduation senior in our ward and deliver them all. I think we had around 10 seniors!

What's the meme? By my age, you should have a huge box full of random cords but you can't throw them out because one day you're sure you'll need one.

Date night with Tanner going to the temple and getting dinner!

I did not love how this turned out, but it was fun to do her hair again.

We love Sunday afternoon games. We even found a game that Collin and Weston made during Prenda when Covid was going on. Cracked. Us. Up. It's basically a matching game played like Old Maid.

Memorial Day weekend river paddle with the Evans. I got separated from everyone and was last floating down the river. I just laid on my board and soaked in the peace and quiet!

Olive has a goal to run a mile every morning of summer. I think she hates this goal but I keep her going! We like to listen to the Trivia For Kids podcast to distract from the pain!

Memorial Day at Grandma and Grandpas!

Olive was wanting another snippy snip and Aunt Shelley was so nice to oblige!

Do you love my ribbon wreath?!! I'm unabashedly proud! These are all the rage these days but buying one is crazy expensive. I pulled all this together with just Hobby Lobby ribbon. Then I made one for Shelley, Marcie and Megan!

Yay for a Fig day! Jane got all tuckered out when I took them home.

Collin spent the month of June working concrete for Uncle Casey. He would wake himself up at 3 or 4am, drive to the yard and be gone until 2pm or sometimes 4pm. It was so brutally hot. I would worry a bit but knew it was good for him. Every time he walked in the door looking like this, though, I would just shake my head. He looked like a 12 year old playing dress-up with his dad's clothes! Just a boy in a worker suit. Call the child labor activists haha. I was really proud of him for being responsible and waking up on his own. I think there was only one day he slept in and had to go straight to the work site but still beat the crew before they arrived. 

I didn't think I'd ever microblade my eyebrows again but Marcie really wanted to do hers and was too nervous to go alone so she asked if I'd do it with her. She sat and watched me get mine done then she got in the chair and didn't like the initial outline so the girl adjusted it. Then Marcie had another critique, so she fixed it. After an hour of that she decided she just couldn't go through with it. So we walked out of there with mine done and hers not, haha. But it's all ok! I like the way mine turned out.

Regionals in Flagstaff! I was so sad I couldn't go, but it made more sense for Travis to take him while they were up there for YM camp. They went to the first day of camp, up by St. George, then drove down to Flagstaff for the competition and left Weston at camp.

YM camp and Regionals was the same weekend as Cheryl's funeral. It made for a very hectic weekend. Travis felt pressure to be at the funeral, so he left Saturday morning to drive back home to be there. Cheryl's husband felt impressed to ask me to speak. I was very nervous about that. I hadn't even known Cheryl a year. It felt strange to be speaking at her funeral. Gratefully, Heavenly Father didn't make me struggle as I wrote the talk. It felt like words just flowed into my mind. And I was specifically impressed to play a small clip of audio I had of Cheryl answering the question "What had been your greatest accomplishment?" I asked her this during one hospital stay. She tearfully described her children being her greatest accomplishment. I was told over and over after the services, how impactful and meaningful it was to hear Cheryl's voice. I knew that God was behind all of it. But standing at the podium and looking down into her children and husband's eyes while I spoke was DIFFICULT. I felt my voice shake with emotion as I tried to connect with them and convey what I felt God wanted them and everyone there to hear. I felt very distinctly to say that their mom was still with them and always would be. We helped with the luncheon afterward and I brought my camera to take pictures. Later, I made a book of all the pictures and printed it for them. It was a very emotional time. 

Olive had her end of the year dance recital immediately after the funeral. I literally raced there as soon as I could and got there late, but in time for her first number. Travis raced home to drive Weston to clean the office, picked up Tanner and some dinner and made it a bit later than me. She danced beautifully! She is not auditioning for next year so it was a bitter sweet recital. 

Sunday morning, as Travis was getting ready to head to meetings, Tanner and Olive come up to tell us that Winnie has brought a bird into the house and it's still alive but bloody. He tells them to take care of it. Then he leaves and a few minutes later they are back in my room crying because it's moving. They're scared and upset and there is blood everywhere. SIGH. I go downstairs and see piles of feathers in places and a stiff looking bird in a puddle of blood. I go get a shovel and try to scoop it up but it's soft and rolls and won't go on the shovel and when I touch it, it starts moving and looks so pitiful and I am BESIDE MYSELF. I have had to shovel dead birds before but they are stiff and completely dead. Not like this sad, injured, ball of trauma! UGH. I was ticked. How could Travis walk past this scene and expect a girl and 9 year old boy to handle it? Like they are going to handle it! No, now it's MY problem. I knew he was in bishopric meeting or else I was about to call him with all my frustration. Instead I text him a very terse message. I believe it went something along the lines of "What good is a husband if not to shovel bloody birds out of the house?!!!" He apologized and said to wake the older boys up. Double ugh. They are exhausted from a long weekend. I went back downstairs and got the rake and pushed the bird onto the shovel and threw it out onto the dirt in the backyard. But it was twitching and SO SAD. I WAS NOT MEANT FOR THE FARM LIFE!! I had to put it out of its misery. I asked Chat what kind of gun would kill a bird. Then I went up to our closet to rifle around the gun cases and see what I could find. I pulled out a 9mm when Collin stumbled in with wide eyes asking what in the world I was doing. Thankfully he said the air soft gun should do the trick and went out to get business done. The rest of us stood at the window hardly daring to look but wanting to be assured the poor thing was finally out of its misery. My what a white trash sight this was. This was quite possibly the MOST angry I've ever been at my husband. 

What was Collin snickering about?? If only I could remember. 

How funny is this sign up sheet that Brian made?! AI Travis has a mustache I guess! 

The kids get a LITTLE rambunctious downstairs at Grandma's house. Tanner's brothers believe he needs to toughen up. I think they need to be nicer to him. I had to force them to apologize which they are not keen on doing. It's not always kumbaya at Grandma's house! 

Christopher told me about this very powerful spiritual experience he had and I wanted to remember the part about my mom's prayers.