Collin Hospital

On Dec. 8, Collin called me from dive practice saying he had a sudden, severe headache. (What we’ve now learned is called a “thunderclap headache”.) He didn’t hit his head at practice or have any trauma and he doesn’t normally get headaches so this was concerning to us. At the advice of my friend, Camilla (who I will forever be thankful for), we took him into Banner Cardon Children’s ER, expecting we were overreacting. They immediately triaged him and ordered a CT scan which showed a subarachnoid hemorrhage… a bleed in the fluid around his brain. The doctor came in to tell us, while suddenly the room started buzzing with nurses and activity, prepping him to be admitted, starting an IV, asking us questions and putting ID bracelets on all our wrists. They told us they thought he had a ruptured brain aneurysm. It took me a minute to process this while everything around me got fuzzy and surreal. How was this happening??? While I thought I was staying calm, my body was going into shock. I kept looking at him wondering what this would mean. I immediately prayed then text my sisters. Within minutes my brother-in-law who is a police officer and was on duty, showed up and helped Travis give Collin a blessing. He will never know what that meant to me when he walked in. This was when the tears started and they didn’t stop for 9 days. He was admitted to the ICU and hooked up to what felt like a hundred beeping monitors. Travis and I both spent the night. That first 24 hours was the longest of my life. I was so emotional and scared but trying not to let Collin know. He had an angiogram Wednesday afternoon, but they couldn’t find the aneurysm. We were told he would need to be constantly monitored for a week until they could do a second angiogram. They were on high alert for a second bleed so nurses would come in every hour (day and night) and shine lights in his eyes, ask him questions to test his neurological capacity, make him squeeze their hands, push back with his feet and swallow handfuls of enormous pills. (Which he was a champ at, btw. Every nurse made a shocked face when he did it. 😆) Thankfully he seemed stable and himself throughout everything. Because of flu restrictions, Olive and Tanner couldn’t visit and this was hardest on Tanner. He cried every night, missing his big brother. It broke my heart. 

As word got out, the support poured in. And here I am crying again because there.are.not.WORDS! I could never ever have anticipated the absolute outpouring of texts, meals, goodie baskets, visits or prayers that were offered. We were completely surrounded and lifted by the love of so many. I did not put on mascara for almost two weeks because what’s the point? I was constantly crying, humbled to my core by the selfless service of so many. The director of his school (Dan Provonsha) and director of his seminary (Bro. Smith) and seminary teacher (Sis. Dunkin) all visited with the biggest stack of cards that all the students had written him. They didn’t just show up, they ministered. With so much care and love. I will forever be big fans of them. His school dive coaches and friends and club coaches and friends all came. My mom, sisters and friends helped so much with rides for the other kids and meals. I couldn’t keep up on all the messages from people asking how they could help. I can’t count how many people told me they were putting our names on the temple prayer roll.

I need to back up a little. A few days before this happened I was driving and listening to the Follow Him podcast. A woman was sharing a story about when she was hospitalized during COVID and she didn't know if she was going to live. No one was being allowed to visit her and she felt very alone and scared. Then she emotionally described how she literally FELT people praying for her. Those prayers sustained her and gave her strength. It was a really powerful story that I was touched to hear. But as I pondered over it, I had the thought, "I believe in prayer. I've been praying my whole life. I remember hearing my mom saying she felt people's prayers when she was hospitalized with Craig. I've just never felt prayers myself. I've never had that experience. I wonder what that would feel like?" 

Well, be careful what you wonder about. Because just days later, this is what happened to us.

And now, as my eyes spill over with tears, I can say I have FELT prayers. They sustained us when we were exhausted, scared and didn’t know what the future held. Words are painfully inadequate in expressing our deep gratitude to everyone who prayed for us. My friend Rachel said that her kids had gotten home from school and were snacking, but Liam wasn't eating. (He's an 8th grader). She asked why, and he said he was fasting for Collin. Oh my gosh! She hadn't asked Liam to fast or anything. He just decided to do that on his own. A 14 year old boy. I was SO touched. The Shaheen family told us their entire family fasted for him one day. My mom said she got a specific prompting on a Tuesday that she needed to fast and so she did. I'm sure there are people I don't even know about. Some people might not think offering prayers really matters or makes a difference, but I truly felt so much love every time someone said they were praying. I had faith in each and every prayer. 

 
After a week he was put under again for a second angiogram with the same results. The amount, location and pattern of blood was classic for an aneurysm but they just could not find one. He was released after 9 days in the ICU and told no strenuous activity for 6 weeks. He’s had an MRI and MRA since then, that came back normal. His doctor confirmed they just don’t know why he had a brain hemorrhage and to be cautious of any future symptoms.  When the bleed happened he had been going back and forth from cold water when diving, to hot showers on deck while waiting for his turn. I wonder if that, paired with the stress, strain, breath holding and hitting the water from high distances of diving, had something to do with it. When we were being released, the doctors told me that because we brought him in, it saved his life. I sat in tears again. God has been SO GOOD to us. I know he was with us through all of it. From the very beginning Collin relied on the words from his patriarchal blessing, giving him faith everything would work out. Being in the hospital in December isn’t ideal but we were home and altogether for Christmas which made it an extra special one. Collin’s seminary teacher shared words I will always remember, “I am grateful for the experiences I would rather not have had.” It’s true… we learned so much from this and I do have a heart overflowing with gratitude for God, health and everyone who supported us.

When we visited the Shaheens in Gallup a week later he went from the hot tub to cold temperatures outside and back to the hot tub and had pain go through his head in the same place his headache was before. After the 6 weeks was up, I made him wait one more week before going back to dive. He didn't even dive normally, just practiced his approach and did straight dives, feet first. But he said during those couple weeks of practices his head would hurt. It worried me. He had a follow up appointment with his neurosurgeon, Dr. Alexiatas, but he wasn't helpful. He had no answers and just said that they did everything they knew to do and didn't find the cause of the hemorrhage so he was going to refer us to a vascular neurologist at Phoenix Children's Hospital. He didn't give me a name, just said they would reach out to me. Well we waited a week and I got a vague text from Phoenix Childrens saying they got the referral and would contact us once they had an appointment available. I waited another week and still didn't hear anything so I tried to call them. What a nightmare. I can't even begin to write about how difficult it was. How many times I got transferred, the call got dropped, I waited on hold for ages, and on and on, only to finally be told (after days of this) that they don't even have a vascular neurologist on staff right now!! You've got to be kidding me. I searched online for hours trying to find one at another facility. I read profiles of doctors hoping to find a good one. Come to find out, no one would see him because he's 16. No one wants to deal with "peds". I called back to Phoenix Childrens and went through all the hassle again of getting a human on the phone, trying to schedule with any neurologist at this point and was told they have no appointments for 6 months. And they don't keep cancellation lists. I was in tears. I called back to Dr. Alexiatas office. They were perplexed and offered to schedule an appointment with one of their neurologists but they didn't have anything until May. I broke down crying. What were we supposed to do???! The lady must have taken pity on me because she said she would call me back. I kept my phone by me all day long. I showered with it. And she called me back hours later and said they had a cancellation for tomorrow morning and Dr. Nadeem Shabbir would see him at 7:30am. I couldn't believe it. I cried again and thanked her profusely. I thanked God then called Travis. It felt like the biggest miracle.

The next morning the doctor sat with us for over half an hour hearing his case and asking us a ton of questions about family history, his routines, eating, sleeping, when the headaches are, etc. He said the cause of the hemorrhage is unknown but like everyone else said, the bleeding amount and location were classic for an aneurysm. He broke it down for me. An aneurysm only happens for a few reasons. Either you've had severe head trauma or you are a 50-60 year old with chronic high blood pressure that has weakened your arterial walls and an aneurysm occurs. Or it's hereditary and you have a family history of them. Collin doesn't fit any of the categories. Although, you could always be the first in your family line to be susceptible. I asked why they couldn't find the aneurysm then. He said there is a remote possibility of an aneurysm clotting on its own and healing. In his opinion, there was no worry of this happening to him again and he said he should be fine to continue diving. That was really what I needed to hear. I felt like our lives had been on pause, not knowing if it was actually safe for him to be doing physical activity. I didn't understand why Collin was still having headaches when previous to all this he never dealt with headaches. The doctor seemed to think they were stress induced or had something to do with his sleeping or lifestyle. He said to just go ahead and go fully back to dive and just see if the headaches got worse. If they did, then we could call back and he'd put him on a blood pressure medication. He also said to supplement with riboflavin and magnesium. When we left the office, Collin said he thought the doctor was dumb and didn't know anything because he wasn't nervous about dive and he slept fine. I said, why don't we just do what he said and go to practice tonight and start really diving again and lets just see. I felt at peace with that. Collin seemed surprised that he was being given the green light. While he was at practice I did wonder if he was going to be ok. The moment he walked in the door I asked... well??! And he said he felt fine!!! What a relief!! and it is now March 5 and so far he's been doing fine at dive. He said his head still hurt a little bit for a while but it's been weeks now with no pain. I think maybe he did have some unconscious stress that could have been contributing to his headaches. Especially because he said his head didn't hurt doing other physical things... it was just at dive. Our minds are powerful things! I have felt so humbled at the positive outcome we were blessed with. Many visitors relayed stories of family or friends who had a brain aneurysm and died immediately. It has been so frustrating to not get answers or know for sure what happened, but I believe he was blessed with a miracle. 

My sisters are amazing. Shelley made this delicious potato soup and took it to the house, then dropped some off for Olive because it was her late night at dance, then brought some to us in the hospital! She had bread bowls and bacon and toppings and a big bag full of games, snacks, vitamins and a big Lego set for Collin to do. She thought of everything. Plus she brought DQ blizzards! It was so nice. Then Marcie brought dinner too and had Tanner for a whole weekend and took such good care of him. I'm so lucky.

I wish I could include alllll the texts, but here is a sample of the beauty and love that was shown to us. Sweet Colby Lindblom. 

Weston helped out with Tanner while we were away. Tanner LOVES to go fishing with Weston.

One morning that Travis was in the hospital, I needed to move my body so I snuck in a quick 30 min. gym session. Our gym always gathers toys to donate to Banner Children's in December. I had brought in some Barbies earlier in the month. I found it very ironic, that all these toys would be on the same floor as Collin shortly. 

Kayda won for most visits. She came 3 times! 

The therapy dogs came by multiple times. This one was named Doctor Dog. So funny.

People brought so many treats that it filled two shelves! And they were appreciated. Collin ate almost everything.

A sweet picture that Cohen colored for him.

Liam got special permission from his mission president to call Collin! What a treat! It was so fun to listen to their conversation. 

Jayce put this poster up at ALA which is hilarious. 

These boys came two different times to hang out with him. They even performed the song "Jesus Take the Wheel" with Tate playing the ukulele. They threw their hands in the air when they got to the chorus. So funny.

It's a locked floor, but this was the waiting area just outside the doors. Very festive. 

One of the biggest bummers about the timing of all this was that Winter Formal was the Saturday he was in the hospital. Paige had already asked him to the dance and he had made the poster to answer her, but was going to give it to her the night he was admitted. So he gave it to her in the hospital instead. I knew she had already bought her dress so I suggested that she still come to the hospital Saturday night and we could try and create a something of a special night for them. I could go pick up dinner for them and maybe they could dance to a song. Paige seemed to like the idea so I was excited to make that happen. Travis spent Friday night in the hospital with him (that was the night of Olive's friend Christmas party) and Saturday there so I came Saturday evening with Collin's Sunday clothes, some decorations, Boca Mexican food and other things. Turns out, the nurses had heard that he was missing his school dance, so the whole floor spent the day cutting out snowflakes and gathering any Christmas decorations they had and turned this extra room on the floor into their Christmas Formal room!! It was ADORABLE! They had tinsel over the door, snowflakes all over the room and had made a photo backdrop from a blanket and then used hospital gowns to fashion "flower" decorations across the top! They gathered all the flashlights from every room and set them up for "mood" lighting! I brought a strobe light machine that created a cool effect and a table cloth and some fancy goblets and drinks for them too. The nurse took Collin's vitals right before letting him get unhooked from all his monitors and said his blood pressure was through the roof! Oh dear! But so nice that he was able to shower and put on nice clothes and not be hooked up to the machines for a while. Paige's parents came with her when she first got there. Neither Collin or Paige knew about the room the nurses had set up so they were completely surprised when we walked them down! It was all SO CUTE and we thanked the nurses over and over. I brought my camera to take their pictures then we got them set up with their dinner and let them eat in peace. They both love Boca's mini chimis. Then we went back in when they were done and I got some pretty Christmas music playing (Carrie Underwood's song, Hallelujah) so they could slow dance. And of course I had to take some video and pictures! I was dying. It was all so sweet! We left again and they danced a few more songs but eventually we had to end the party because Collin had to get hooked back up to the monitors. Paige stayed and they started a movie together. Travis and I left to get a quick dinner from a Mediterranean restaurant up the street called Green Corner. Then we got some blizzards from DQ for all of us and he dropped me off at the hospital. It was nice to spend some time with him. Paige and Collin were watching While Your Were Sleeping. My favorite movie!! Collin wanted to watch Star Wars but I talked him into watching a 'chick flick' for Paige's sake. Ironic how the movie is about someone in the hospital! Visiting hours end at 10pm but they let her stay a little past which was nice because they were able to finish the movie. I know it wasn't the night they were hoping for but I was so glad we could make it special anyway.

Visitors liked to add their own goals to Collin's whiteboard haha. 

Camilla had brought yummy vanilla tea packets that were nice to sip in the morning. We watched church over zoom and I wore my dress just to try and channel happy Sunday feelings. 

Laughing so much watching Kayda tip back a sugar packet haha.

I wonder when I'll stop crying.

The morning he was released was weird. He had been under constant monitoring and then suddenly it was just like, OK, all the scans are coming back normal... you can go! Packing up the room filled a whole luggage cart. We had accumulated so much stuff. I was beyond happy to say goodbye to that terrible, hard bench that doubles as a bed. 

Our ID bracelets were basically useless because the writing had worn off. Nice to clip those off!

Olive and Tanner were so happy to see him when they got home from school. Tanner ran and hugged him for so long. Oh my goodness it's good to be home. How do people do this longer term? It blows my mind. I will never take my bed for granted again. I'm so so grateful we got to be home for Christmas!

A sweet card that Tanner wrote for Collin