Life with Collin

Yes, there is a reason this blog is titled { The Collin Chronicles }... and this post illustrates why. My life revolves around this guy. I don't think blogs should always be roses and rainbows, because real life isn't, and so I'm going to try to describe the past couple weeks as they have really been. Hard. 

It occured to me at the R.S. Retreat (when we were discussing journaling) that it could be a good thing for a teenager to read his mother's journal. I don't think anyone really understands the trials of parenting (hello, not even me yet, I'm only 18 months in) until they become a parent, but maybe reading about what your mom and dad went through, in their own words, when things were hard, might bring a little compassion into the picture. Because, generally speaking, children and teenagers tend to mostly think about themselves. They aren't really concerned about what their parents are sacrificing or feeling. It's all about them. As my mom would call it, they are "acting their age". Well I certainly don't expect Collin to understand what I'm feeling yet (except for when he hits me in the face with his diaper cream and it leaves a mark and I want to scream, STOP, THAT HURTS! And maybe I do yell it a little.) But maybe when he's an ornery 15 year old, he can read some posts like this one and feel sorry for his mother. Just a little. :)

This kid wears me out. I'm not sure why they call it the Terrible 2's, because I think it starts at 18 months. He doesn't really talk and he's mostly given up on signing, so he just screams and points when he wants something. I feel like my whole day is spent playing the game of trying to figure out what he wants. If I'm laying on the couch and ignoring him, he'll grab my hair and pull it as hard as he can. It certainly gets my attention. He wants food all day long, but only eats maybe 40% of what I get for him. He wants to go outside, but the second he hits the driveway, he's off running and we don't have a fence. So I follow him around the neighbor's yards as he throws their rocks and tries to pick up their ceramic lawn ornaments. He HATES going to the store. Literally the second I walk into Wegmans, Target, JoAnnes, he starts whining... loud. I even succumbed this week to pushing him around the grocery store in the cart with the car attached to the front. I swore I'd never do that. It was like driving a bus. I even ran into a little old lady's cart, turning a corner. Worst part was, it didn't even keep him happy longer than 10 minutes. Then I had to bust out the sucker. I tried teaching him how to color, which was great at first, but now he want to color on everything. Our brick has sidewalk chalk scrawled on it and our living room got graffitted with crayon. He spills my bag of buttons all over the floor and then giggles and laughs like he just did the best thing. As pictured below, he can't hold still for a hair cut, so while I'm cutting his back hair line with clippers, he jerked backward, and won himself a bald spot. This was 3 hours before our pictures were taken. He must have snacks at the store or in the car and when I pulled him out the other day, he had Kix all stuck to his pants. Ok, so that was kind of cute.

 After a particularly bad day, I put him in the tub and decided he could use a real bubble bath. I'm glad I did, because it reminded me of how cute he can be.

 First, blowing the bubbles.

 Then tasting them. You'd think after one taste, he'd learn they were no bueno. But no, he liked them.

 Mostly, I'd just say that describing him as {busy} is an understatement. I've had mulitple people comment to me things like, "Wow, he just never stops." Or, "My goodness, he as got some energy!" And these are people with young children of their own, not older people who have forgotten what it's like to have kids.

Granted, he has gotten some molars lately and I think some more are on their way, but in general I'd just say he is not content. He won't just play with his toys or watch a show for too long without me next to him. He always wants to sit in my lap. He really just wears me out. By the end of the day, I am exhausted. And he's just ONE CHILD! So not only do I feel frazzled and spent, I feel incompentent, because I can't keep up with just one kid. How am I pregnant?

And yet, even as I'm writing all this, I miss him. (He's napping) I don't even know what it would be like to fix dinner without him at my feet, pulling down my pants. He has finally learned to give kisses and it's my favorite. When we go on walks and he sees a squirrel, it's like Santa just scurried by. And when a dog starts barking, well forget it, that's just the most exciting thing ever. He points and leans forward, so happy, and yaps right back at the dog. He is obsessed with my teddy bear and his doggie (hot pink, by the way. I got it on Valentines Day from a student and am too cheap to buy a boy colored stuffed animal for him) He hugs them and presses them to his face. While he won't do what I say most of the time, he always faithfully obeys when I tell him to come get his "spray" (The spritz of hairspray on his mohawk). I don't know why he likes it so much. Truthfully, I can't imagine my life without him. I guess that's how it always goes.

We had a little scare two nights ago with him that kind of put things in perspective for me. Thursday evening he had his 18 month check up. I knew they were going to want to give him the flu shot and I thought it over and for some reason wasn't that concerned about it. Maybe I just wasn't up for the "fight" with the doctor over it. I talked to Trav and he agreed it was probably fine. Well, we got there and I found out that it was a mix of swine and regular flu in the shot. For some reason, I got the worst feeling. I said a quick prayer and just couldn't shake the feeling. So the doctor came in and did the exam and was really nice and everything checked out fine and he said Collin would be getting 3 shots and having his finger pricked. And for some reason, I just went along with it. The whole procedure was completely awful of course. Collin was screaming and I had to hold him down and he was so panicked his whole body was shaking and quivering. But once the episode was over and the Twix had been consumed, all was well again. Until 1am when he woke up screaming. I had heard him cry off and on up until then which isn't normal, but when I went to get him, he was scortching hot. I took his temp and it was nearly 103 and he was shaking again. My stomach just dropped. Why had I let him get that d@*# flu shot! Even if it wasn't a reaction to the flu shot, how would I know? That was the whole point to him being on alternative vaccination schedule. So that if there was a reaction, I'd know better what it was related to. I stripped him down and gave him Tylenol and Trav gave him a blessing while he screamed. I felt like an awful mother. I had had a bad feeling about something and did it anyway. I will never do that again. I just held him and rocked him and cradled him on the floor. Eventually we ended up back in our bed and he slept most of the night (what was left of it) on my chest. He still ran the fever the next day, but I think today its gotten better. I hope that nothing more serious follows. But of course, I was imagining the worse and completely terrified of it. What would I do without my Collin? I would fall to pieces and never be the same again. He's worth everything and anything. So again.... life in perspective. I'm grateful to be a mother.

However, our awkward sleeping postition may have been what triggered my latest back "episode". Yes, I'm currently living life as a crippled 70 year old. Not only do I look like I'm perpetually on the look out for spare change, its nearly impossible to pick up Mr. Collin. At least it's the weekend and I have Travis here to help. It is wonderful to be married. When I'm a wreck and crying because I can't handle my 18month old or when I'm a wreck and crying because I think I killed my 18month old with a shot, Travis is steady and calm and willing to do whatever is necessary. He loves me and soothes me and listens to me when I think I should probably be committed to a mental institute. Being married is good. :)

As for last weekend, we headed out to Becker Farms to do some apple picking with Trav's dental class. Only, we didn't really do much more than say hi to some of them, then head to the orchards.

Here's my cuties while we wait in line for the tractor ride.

Really good illustration of every day life.

 This guy went to town on an apple. I'm not a big apple fan, but my, these were good! Especially the Cortland ones.

 After a while of eating, he stuffed his mouth and I think it was too much to chew or swallow. We tried to get him to spit it out, but he refused. He probably remained in chipmunk status a good 15 minutes until it all came spewing out in the car. Lovely.