Be Careful What You Wish For....

I'm afraid its been no secret that I've felt a bit burned out from Young Womens. I think the calling, in and of itself, is exhausting, but add on a few more factors from my particular situation and I'm lucky my blood pressure is still in check. 

Well, a couple weeks ago, I received that fateful call at 9:45pm, Saturday night. "Hi Stephanie, this is Brother Benson... would you be able to meet with me tomorrow morning right before church?"

My heart may have skipped a beat as I assured him that I could indeed fit him in. 

Trav told me not to get my hopes up. You never know what it could be about. Pishha! I was about to be released! And better yet, he didn't ask for Travis to accompany me the next morning, so it didn't look like I was going to even get another calling right away. They were giving me a break!! Travis just rolled his eyes. No chance, he said.

I hate when he's right. 

I had had a suspicious feeling even before the words came out of Brother Benson's mouth. A sort of ominous, foreboding, pit in the bottom of your stomach type of feeling.

And for good reason.

Have you guessed it yet....?

I did.

Sunday School Teacher.

(I imagine a collective groan is appropriate)

Yes, Gospel Doctrine teacher. And what is the current text this year? Admittedly, I wasn't sure at first. Remember, I've only just been reintroduced to what the 2nd hour of church should religiously entail. So if you're struggling here, let me help you- Old Testament (dun du duuuun!)

Is there possibly a calling I could be less qualified for? Maybe you think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here, but I feel like I was rightfully terrified.

I mean, I'm no scriptorian. Sadly, I've never even made it through the entire Old Testament. I tried once, years ago, and got to maybe Kings. Then I just couldn't take it anymore and retreated to the Book of Mormon (which, I know, I know... I should have reading all along).

I dodged this calling once before, but call it karma, it came back to get me. When I was in the Countryside Park singles ward with Travis, he happened to be the executive secretary and therefore was a part of all the bishopric meetings. Well, I forget specific details, but I think I knew I was up for a new calling. Trav and I were dating and I told him in no uncertain terms that I did NOT want to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher. (awful, right? I probably shouldn't even be admitting this) Well, shortly after, Trav informed me that my name did indeed come up for the new Sunday School teacher and all seemed on board with the decision. Now I imagine poor Trav (maybe afraid I'd break up with him if he didn't... I don't know) meekly interjecting, that actually I didn't really want that calling. And I was spared. How embarrassing. And completely against all that I was taught about accepting callings. Maybe I felt justified in the fact that I wasn't exactly turning a calling down, I was just preventing the calling from ever being extended. Nope, still doesn't justify it. And obviously, it didn't last forever.

So back to present day. Last Sunday I gave my first lesson on none other than the Isaiah chapters. And you know what? It wasn't too bad. When you're handed a manuel with everything spelled out for you, it takes a lot of the unknown away. And I actually learned a few things. I guess that's the general silver lining to being a teacher... you learn the most. The time flew by and I didn't even get to cover 1/2 of what I had prepared. And about 15 minutes in, I started to relax and kind of enjoy myself. I'd forgotten how fun teaching can be. So, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I think I may actually like being a Gospel Doctrine teacher. I don't know... ask me again in 6 months :)

On the downside, after thinking I wanted out of YW for so many weeks, my wish was granted and now I want to take it back! For my last mutual, the YM and YW had prepared talks to give to the bishopric in preparation for what it would be like to speak in church. They did amazing. I cried in every talk. These girls beyond astound me. They are up against it all and still stand as witnesses of Christ every day in their families and schools. I really don't think I had their courage at their age. Heck, I don't think I have it now. It doesn't take much to love these girls. They've become my friends... not just on Facebook... but for real :) I want them to succeed SO BAD. I want them to be happy SO BAD. I want them to stay active, contributing members of the church.... well, you get it. The hardest part about being an influential part of a child or teenager's life is when you aren't that influential anymore. At least, you're not as big a part of their life as you used to be. It's a little disconcerting. I don't want that relationship severed. In the past two weeks, I've gotten random text or Facebook messages from two of my former 5th grade students, just asking how I am and telling me they miss me and loved me as a teacher. *heartthrob* I can't imagine feeling any better than when I got those messages. There is a Beehive from my former ward that I was only a leader for, for maybe a few months and yet she still emails me occasionally about what's going on in her life and to see how I'm doing. Seriously, these kids are amazing. And it just goes to show that you make an impact, even when you think you're not. It makes being a youth leader so fulfilling. I think the greatest rewards come after you've put your heart and soul into something or someone. And maybe you don't see it right away, or maybe you won't ever "see" it, but the difference is still there. Needless to say, I will miss Lizzy, Pam, Rachel, Lorali, Cortney, Chelsea, Magaly, Whitney, and Bonnie.