Olive's First 3 Months

 I specifically remember when my sister's baby girl was 5 weeks old. I was completely miffed that she hadn't done any blogging about her, since her birth. I remember thinking, "Seriously?! You haven't had one night to update your blog about your baby, that I so desperately want to see pictures of?!! How is that even possible?" 

Well, folks, I'm here to hang my head in hypocritical shame.

I mailed Olive's birth announcements out last week. She's 3 months old. No big deal.

I never thought I could get this far behind in blogging. But let me share with you the adjective that has described my life these past 3 months.

Drowning.

Which is embarrassing for me to admit. For every moment I have struggled, my follow up thoughts fall along these lines. "What's wrong with me? No one else acts this frazzled with 3 kids. Why am I having such a hard time?" And so on and so forth.

There have been MANY times that all I wanted to do, midst tears and despair, is get on my blog and pour out my heart about all my struggles. Writing usually helps me feel better. But even in those moments, I usually didn't do much more than cry. There just wasn't time to blog. All I could do was cry. 

I know I sound so dramatic. 

Often, I'll hear the question, "Which was harder... 1 kid, 2 kids, or 3 kids?" Welllll, the thing is, our first kid was Collin. Hard from day one. Then you add Weston, very mild and easy going... but you still have Collin. :) Then add a third kid.... and remember you still have Collin. Haha. I love my Collin. He is just ENERGY! And questions. And non stop, all.day.long. You know the phrase, "If I had a dollar for ever time.... fill in the blank". Well, if I had a dollar for every time someone commented to me on Collin's energy, we'd be out of debt. 
Soooo, anyways, I don't really know the answer to that question. For me, it's all been very hard. Rewarding, yes. But difficult. 

Sparingly, I'll throw myself a bone. "You have 3 kids, ages 4 and under. Give yourself a friggin' break." 

But still, I'm not some huge anomaly. Lots of girls have 3 kids in 4 years. And seem to deal just fine.

Me? Well, I lose my patience. Yell. And cry. Ha! I'm such a case. Don't call CPS on me. 

I think I just want to hold myself to such a high standard. I want my house to be clean, laundry done, and yummy homecooked dinner on the table every day. Kids played with and read to. Blog kept updated. Visiting teaching done. Church calling fulfilled. Exercise completed. Errands run. Friends caught up with. My books read. Along with the myriad of other things on my daily "to do" list. As it is, it seems a successful day if I've showered. I walk around my house all day long, adding to my mental "to do" list. It never gets done. I just can't keep up. And it's really frustrating for someone that feels peace and satisfaction after crossing something off "the list".

My life quite literally revolves around eating and pooping. I run around making meals, getting snacks, feeding the baby, changing a diaper, going to the bathroom myself, changing another diaper, feeding the baby again, etc. At the end of one day, I about had a meltdown because Travis spent 20 min. in the bathroom (sorry for divulging that, Trav!) and I had but managed to run to the bathroom once that day to pee, and it was while Collin had a hysterical meltdown in front of me about some ridiculous infraction committed against him. Not a moment's peace I tell ya!!

The worst is when all 3 are crying at once. Am I right?! :) My patience just flies out the door. Or when all 3 need something at the same time. Which is constantly. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at Collin and exclaimed, "You're the oldest! Stop crying! I can't have all of you crying at the same time!! I need you to act like the big brother right now, please!" Poor, eldest child.

The issue really is, Olive cries A LOT. She's basically another baby Collin. The first 2 months, she had 3 states of being. Sleeping. Eating. Or crying. Seriously, that was the situation. And she's got a good scream on her too. You know the saying, "Screaming til you're blue in the face"? Ya, she's got that one down just fine. I can't figure her out. We've tried bottles, 3 different kinds of pacifiers, swaddling, colic drops, swings, etc. You name it, I feel like we've tried it. I remember the first time she was awake and not crying for longer than 5 minutes. It was shocking. I was sitting on my bed with her and I suddenly realized that she seemed happy. OK, maybe that's taking it too far. But at least she wasn't mad. She was calm and staring back at me and I could have cried. (One of us will always be crying!) I just said prayer after prayer of gratitude for that moment. It was like a break in the clouds or a glimmer of hope that things could get better. And they really did after that. This past month, she has gotten much better. She still cries a lot, but she also gives us smiles and has fairly content moments too. And at least she'll sleep. Collin never napped, but she'll sleep during the day. That might have been my saving grace. Just wish I could snag a nap here and there too! It's just all been a big adjustment for me.

So this has become such a downer post, which was not my intention when I started writing! I've basically just summarized all of my hard moments at once. I know it will get better. That is one thing that two other kids has taught me. With time, it gets easier. The bottom line really is that I love this little doll to pieces. I already can't imagine our family, or my life, without her. She's got these cheeks that are just the most soft, kissable cheeks on the planet! I love giving her baths and watching her look around and enjoy the water. My favorite is when we make eye contact and her eyes light up and she grins at me like we've known each other forever. I love when she pokes her little tongue out like she's tasting the air. It's so fun dressing her up like she's my little dolly. And there's nothing better than snarfing into her neck goodness. Mmmm! Just looking back on these pictures makes me smile. I could have organized them better, but I kept them strictly chronological. 

She looks so squished in these first, truly newborn, pictures. 

 With her mitts on since she's still in the "scratch your face off" stage. 

 Bahaha! This cross eyed look makes me laugh and freaks me out at the same time!

  Poor Missy Moo lives in the purple nightmare. I ordered this car seat cover to hide the boy pattern, but it did not look this bad in the pictures! It's like lavender threw up in here. 

Baby yawns are the best! Now just imagine her little arms popping up to stretch, next. 

The hair situation is just that.... a situation. The front half had the bald man look going on, while the back was a bit longer. Then, "Baby Mullet" happened. You know, where they rub a bald spot right on the back and the lowest patch gets all thick and long. Yuck! That's when I took the clippers to all of it. No daughter of mine is going to look like a weed wacker got to her! Well, that's when she sported the Demi Moore look for a few weeks. Hopefully, from here on out it gets better!

Someone loves her daddy. He has spent many an hour rocking her in this chair, trying to soothe her crying.

 These leggings from Aunt Shelley are my favorite! Bring on the 80's! I love dressing girls.

We should nickname her monkey, because she has thick hair on her ears. I can't get a clear picture of it, but  it's still there. I thought it would fall out after the first month. Nope. She's proving she's all mammal I guess.

Weston might be her biggest fan. The boys adore her and can hardly be in the same room with her without mauling her. She doesn't take it too well. Poor boys. When she's crying, I'm telling them to leave her alone because she's upset. And when she's happy I'm telling them to leave her alone so she won't start crying! If you just look at her wrong, she'll start screaming. They can't catch a break. Doesn't stop them from trying to make her their best friend.

My fan club. I have to hand it to kids. They are awfully forgiving. 

Notice who's hand is on Olive. They just can't NOT touch her.

 A pencil skirt for babies! What will they think of next?! Thanks, Aunt Marcie!

This kid will get some serious stink neck. Those rolls tell the story. 

She fell asleep with her chin in the air, silly girl. 

They've already got a connection, these two!

This dress is one of my old dresses. Sunday's are my favorite!

The baby sling might be my new ally with her. She always wants to be held, so this solves that problem sometimes.

 She got to join Collin's club and fly in an airplane at 2 months! She did really great too.

 This picture was the first time I thought she looked a lot like her cousin, Lindi. 

 Oh, that Weston!

Such a cute head wrap from Aunt Shelley. She reminds me of a 50's housewife with it on. Time to scrub those floors!

 And just like EVERY headband I put on this girl, it's around her neck in minutes. 

 Oh, I die! These chubby cheeks!!! I just want to snarf on them all day long. Mmm Mmm! 

Her smile melts my heart. 

 Grandma Sharon pulled out the ritz on this outfit! I'll agree with one thing, she certainly is juicy!

My Best Friend and Florida!

The first week of August, I got an exciting email from Rachel's sister, Laura. She wrote, asking if I'd be willing to fly to Florida to surprise Rachel for her 30th birthday. I audibly gasped. Seriously. I was immediately excited and wrote back saying I'd love to and would start looking for tickets right away. 

Well, as life usually goes, I started wondering if it'd really work. I was a month away from having a baby and knew I'd have a two month old to take with me. We hadn't even unpacked our house yet and there were dozen other variables to consider. Finally, about a month before her birthday, I got some sense knocked into me and I booked the tickets. It was TORTURE not spilling the beans to Rach. I thought about it every day. There were several times when we were on the phone together that I had to bite back words that would have tipped her off. 

Then disaster struck. Two days before I was supposed to leave, I got crazy sick. Like, can't get out of your bed, feel like you've been beaten with a stick, sick. I could barely hold Olive long enough to nurse her in bed. I knew there was NO way I could travel feeling like this. It would have been literally impossible. I text Doug, warning him that it might not work out. I went to the doctor the next day and got on a Z-pack. The night before I was supposed to fly out, I was feeling better, but certainly not well. I had decided I'd try to go anyway. 

At 7am on Friday morning, I drove off to Albuquerque! It's two hours to the airport there, then I had a full day of flying afterward. One layover in Kansas City where I switched planes, and another in Tampa where I stayed on the plane. Finally, we flew into Fort Lauderdale at 8pm. Even though Olive did great, and I lucked out with an extra seat for her on both planes, I was exhausted and wondering if this was such a good idea. I could only think about the fact that I was going to have to do this all over again on Tuesday. 

I had been texting Doug throughout the day and let him know I had finally landed. He had taken Rachel out to dinner for her birthday and was killing time until I was ready to be picked up. I could feel my stomach start tying in knots. I kept wondering how it would all turn out and if she had figured it out yet. 

So I guess Doug had made her put on a blindfold and lay back in her seat so she wouldn't be able to figure out where he was driving her to. And luckily, she had no idea! I was waiting out on the curb, when I saw their Subaru pull up. Seriously, I'm getting anxious again, just typing this!! I walked up to open her door and her bag fell out on the ground. I could tell she was getting exasperated and asked Doug if she could finally take her blindfold off. I was holding my camera up the whole time and shaking like a leaf!! When she slowly pulled down the blindfold and looked up at me, the look on her face was PRICELESS!!! Her eyes registered shock as she screamed and hopped out of the car to tackle me. We hugged and sobbed and hugged and sobbed. And now I'm crying all over again!! That moment would have been worth 5 days of traveling. It was as perfect as perfect gets. I can't describe in words how wonderful it was!!

From there on out, life didn't feel real, and yet it felt just as it should feel. Being with Rachel is like being home. It just feels right. We were chatting away in the car and kept acknowledging how weird it was to finally be together, and yet it felt exactly like it had when we last left off. Almost like we had never been apart. I was just eating it all up! 

So apparently, Doug had a conference at the Biltmore in Miami that morning and scored us two free nights there in a raffle! So exciting!! So we dropped him off at their house in Fort Lauderdale and then drove the 45 min. into Miami. 

This hotel was sweet sauce. Super fancy and the perfect way to spend our first night together. The worst part was having to stop talking and go to sleep! :)

Aunt Rachel holding Olive for the first time!

 A view of downtown Miami from our window.

The next morning, Doug dropped their boys off with us, while he finished his conference at the hotel. So we got our suits on and went down to enjoy the most amazing pool I've ever been to. I felt like I was on a movie set or at some crazy resort in the Caribbean or something. Let me tell you, I was loving Florida!  

. 

 The pool boys laid out our towels for us then walked around with trays of lemon water. It all felt very posh. :)

 And we couldn't resist trying the gelato from a little stand they had out. 

Doug was done with his conference by noon, so then he changed and joined us. It was fun to meet a lot of the people from his class who came out to the pool too. 

  

I love my Olive, but she was her usual fussy for the morning. It made it a bit less relaxing, but I didn't want to complain! Well then Rachel held her and she just fell asleep on her shoulder. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. She has never done that with me! 

 Well, by then I was getting pretty hot, so Rach encouraged me to get in the pool. Let me preface by saying that this gorgeous pool was really not being swam in by anyone. There were a few people standing in the shallow end with drinks and the perimeter of the pool was lined with exotic looking sunbathers and cafe patrons, but other than that, it was empty. So I gradually got in and kind of walked around. Slowly, I edged toward the deep end and before I knew it, I was doing the breast stroke across the pool. Keeping my head out of the water of course. I didn't want to look too crazy. Well after swimming a couple of laps that way, I guess the Florida sun just got to me, because the next thing I knew I was floating on my back, soaking up the warm rays and not giving a care in the world to the fact that I probably looked really ridiculous. It was just SO RELAXING. I cannot emphasize enough the degree of paradise I was in. It was surreal. The warm, placid water, gorgeous palm trees and Tuscan surroundings were blurring the lines of reality. I probably floated on my back for a good 15 minutes. And savored every. single. minute.  

 By about 3 or 4pm, it was time to go and get ready for the girls night that Laura had planned for Rachel's birthday. On the drive back to their house, I got to see the Fort Lauderdale temple that is still under construction! The drive, in and of itself, was so fun. I had never been to Florida before and it felt a lot like California to me, but warmer and with flat terrain. I loved it. 

This night was so fun because I finally got to meet so many of Rachel's friends that I had heard so much about. We went to P.F. Changs for dinner, then back to Laura's house for cake and ice cream and to chat. 

 I knew Rozannah Trockel from Buffalo, so it was fun to see her again too! I had actually gotten to spend some time with her sister, Beckah, in Farmington. Small world!

The next day was Sunday, but due to some tired kids and naps that got in the way, we missed church and did a little sight seeing. We went to Sawgrass Recreation Center and took an airboat ride to see some gators!

They insisted I put Olive in a life jacket which was really ridiculous and then with the loud noise of the fan, Olive about screamed out a lung. Poor thing! I somehow managed to nurse her and still make it look like she was wearing her vest and that got us through. It was insane how close we got to those alligators! I pictured them just chomping one of our arms off for funnzies. We made it out unscathed. :)

I felt a bit like a mother asking to do our next activity, but I really wanted to see where Doug went to school!

He's in the ortho program at NOVA.

 Here's his operatory. He got to show me some of his cases on his computer. Why am I such a nerd? I was completely fascinated by all of it. Ahhhh, higher learning. Maybe someday I'll get to do that too. :)

I haven't said anything about Gavin and Liam yet, but I really was so happy to get to see these boys. I read Gavin some bed time stories that night and was loving my one on one time with him. I wish that Collin and Gavin got to live by each other again. They would be the best of buds.

Monday morning we hit up the beach!! I was uber excited. (How many times do you think I can use the word "excited" on this trip? :) I can't count how many beach pictures I've seen on Rachel's Instagram with "Dania Beach" tagged above them. Now, it was finally MY turn! 

My first time to the Atlantic ocean!!!! Epic. :)

This adventure didn't turn out quite as planned, because of some crazy, bad winds. I still wanted to go out in the ocean though, so I attempted to boogie board. Ridiculous. Just trying to swim out far enough, got me swept quite a ways down the shoreline. I could feel the rip current under me and after getting clobbered by a few waves, I knew it wasn't happening. The current was just so strong. As I trudged onto the beach, the lifeguard met me and said that the rip currents are really dangerous right now and without a leash on my boogie board, I could get swept out to sea. Thanks, lifeguard man, for telling me what I had just figured out. 

During Liam's nap time, Gavin was playing with play doh, then called me over to show me that he had just made "me"! Haha, I loved it.

 That evening, after Doug got home, we took a water taxi tour around the inter coastal. Laura watched the boys so it could just be us grown-ups.... and Olive. :) 

The name of this game was gawking at all the millions of dollars in mansions and yachts. 

And gawk, we did.

This mansion was built for a daughter that loves Harry Potter.

The tour guide was exactly the kind of corny guide that I love! One mansion, he explained, was built by a couple that owns a big elevator company. Their relationship is always up and down. ;)

Well, apparently, today was the last day of the world's largest yacht show and we got to drive past all of them! It was pretty amazing.

We spent two hours on the tour and half way through we had to get off and wait to catch another one. We happened to disembark right at a Doubletree hotel. So yummy cookies and hot chocolate it was! Love their cookies.

Right around the corner from the water taxi stop that we parked at, was a fun, trendy restaurant called Rocco's Tacos. And we all know how I LOVE Mexican food!

They made homemade guacamole right at our table. Delish!

 This was such a fun night! I think I missed Trav the most this night, being with Doug and Rachel. We were almost complete. :)

 The next day was finally the day I was leaving. It seriously went by so fast. I'm really glad I at least gave myself 4 full days to be there. Rachel asked Rozannah to watch the boys so we could go shopping. I had been drooling over the mall that P.F. Changs was in, Sawgrass Mills, so we went back there. I'm so jealous that she has such an awesome mall so close!! It ginormous with just about every store you could think and many you've never even heard of. It was a fun, girls shopping trip! We perused Janie and Jack, Forever 21, and Victoria's Secret, among others.

And then we got to eat lunch at the Grand Lux!!!!!! There could not be enough exclamation points after that sentence. I have a love affair with their caramel chicken. It is absolutely to die for, and the Grand Lux in Scottsdale closed down! :( This was a serious treat.

After lunch, we picked up the boys and Liam and Olive went down for naps, which gave Rach and I several hours of talk time. It was the perfect way to end the trip. We could talk for hours, then talk for some more hours. It was exactly what I needed. 

We left for the airport a little bit early, so we could stop in at Jaxon's to get some ice cream! I had seen her blog about this place when Camille visited her over a year ago and had not forgotten about it! 

This picture doesn't do the brownie sundae justice. It was as big as our heads. Promise. And we ate all of it! Along with some cheesy fries. I was in heaven. Nursing... but in heaven.

Leaving Rachel is never easy, but this time was especially hard. It was such a fun vacation!! I couldn't have asked for it to go any better. I never wanted it to end! They spoiled me rotten and I loved every minute. It was also fun to get to focus on just Olive for a few days and not have to worry about the boys. 

Right after she dropped me off, Olive had a meltdown, which meant I was harried and trying to get to a place to nurse her. I think her meltdown distracted me from having my own. Not knowing when I'll see Rach again sucks. And as much as I loved Florida, it is just too dang far away!! At least they only have one more year there, then we'll cross our fingers they move a little closer!

Traveling home didn't feel as long as traveling there. Our flight left around 6pm and only had one layover in Houston. We landed in Albuquerque at 10pm with the 2 hour time change. It felt like midnight to me though, and then I had 2 more hours of driving home. Thankfully, Olive slept like a champ and I had my book to listen to. With no snow on the roads, Ol' Dirtay worked like a champ. I'm so grateful for my super amazing, fabulous husband that held down the fort while I was gone. He deserves a medal and a lot of kisses. Not only did he let me go, he encouraged me to go, without a bit of guilt attached. I don't deserve him. Megan was also so awesome to watch the boys a bunch while I was gone and did it so willingly and happily. I don't deserve her either. So basically, I'm the luckiest girl alive.