Joshua's Funeral

Joshua passed away on a Tuesday night. I spent most of the next day at the Neus' house planning the viewing and funeral. Then on Thursday, Rachel came to visit. Like I have already said, I wondered if I could really enjoy her visit with so much sadness going on, but it turned out to be just what I needed. However that first night that she was here I got a text from Carrie asking me if I would write Joshuas obituary. My world sort of stood still for a moment. I almost didn't think I had read it right. Me, write the obituary?? I was stunned. My first thought was, no way. I just can't. That's too hard. Too much to ask. As I started to process the request, I knew I couldn't say no. She had just lost her child. How could I tell her that writing an obituary was too hard to do? I told myself that Heavenly Father would help me. He would really be the one writing it. This all weighed on me through the weekend until Rachel left. Monday morning, Olive was invited to play at a friends house and Tanner had the most amazing day where he literally slept at least 6 hours. Not at all normal for him, but I knew it was a direct blessing. I couldn't have done it without that alone time. I spent ALL day on it. I read articles about how to write an obituary. I prayed. I read sample obituaries. I read what NOT to put in an obituary. What TO put in one. I called Carrie to ask her questions about Joshua. I cried and I cried and I cried. All day. I felt so, so heavy with this task. But I did it. And I hoped it was OK. That it was good enough for this little fighter that never reached his 5th birthday. 

Joshua Reddin Neus, age 4, passed away on August 8, 2017. He battled Acute Myeloid Leukemia for a year before his loving Heavenly Father saw fit to bring him home. He is survived by devoted parents, Brendon and Carrie (Evans) and four siblings, Sawyer (14), Abigail (10), Matthew (8) and Sesilie (6). He also leaves behind a large, close- knit, extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who cheered him on every step of the way. He was preceded in death by his uncle, Brian Thomas Neus.

Joshua, affectionately known as Joshy, was born on October 29, 2012 in Mesa, Arizona. Being the fifth child, he held his own with his fiery red hair and a strong-willed personality. He was “all boy” and loved being outside, getting dirty and playing with cars and trains. He was always up for milk with “yummy stuff”, a trip to Grandma’s house or watching his favorite cartoons and Minions. He was a force. Of silliness, of energy, of love and determination. He was stubborn! However, this latter personality trait served him well as he underwent countless treatments and procedures, including a bone marrow transplant, in the fight against his cancer. His family never wavered in their faith as they fought alongside him. As his signature red hair fell, so did their tears, but hope and courage truly never faltered. His doctors and nurses enjoyed visiting his room, commenting on his cheerful personality that masked any sickness. His family will always smile remembering his favorite game in the hospital- hide and seek. How he would giggle, feeling well hidden, but with his tell-tale IV pole always giving him away. The family is grateful to the Make a Wish foundation, which provided them with a week together at Disney World, where Joshy laughed and loved all the rollercoasters! They also want to thank all the doctors and nurses at Phoenix Children’s Hospital for the genuine love and care they provided.

Joshua passed away at home in his well-worn “spot” on the couch with a sister holding him and family close by. He was a mama’s boy and she loved him fiercely, tirelessly serving him and being his biggest advocate. Though his life was short his circle of influence was wide. His family aches from the physical loss of their cherished child, but knows they will be together again because of a loving Savior, even Jesus Christ. 
Donations to assist in funeral expenses are being accepted online through the YouCaring website:https://www.youcaring.com/carrie-and-brendan-neus-son-joshua-632224

All who wish to pay their respects are invited to a visitation on Friday, August 18, 2017, from 6-8 PM, at Bunker’s Garden Chapel, 33 N. Centennial Way, Mesa, Arizona. Funeral services will be Saturday, August 19, 2017 at 10 AM, preceded by a visitation at 9 AM, at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Mesa East Stake Center, 2228 E. Brown Road, Mesa, Arizona.

After I had finished the obituary I felt much lighter, but I still had the slide show to do. Carrie gave me a memory card with over 600 pictures and 100 videos of Joshua to make into a video to play at the viewing. I went through each picture and every video to see what I could fit into a reasonably timed slideshow. Deciding what songs to use was stressful to me. Carrie didn't really have any preferences besides the Hand Clap song so I agonized over which songs would be upbeat enough or have the right kind of lyrics. I spent three solid days working on it, getting it finished in the nick of time. I was so glad I could help in these small ways, but spending all that time watching videos of him and looking at his face in those pictures was heart rending. Again, I cried and cried. I felt as though my whole spirit was in mourning that week. 

Karen and Megan set up the tables with pictures and items that Joshua loved. The long string of beads are Beads of Courage that the hospital gave him... each bead representing a treatment or procedure that he underwent. I brought my camera to help take pictures of the evening. 

The mortuary did a really wonderful job with him. His lips looked so much better and he was so handsome in his little suit. Even still, there is nothing that really prepares you for looking at a child in a casket. 

My mom was so thoughtful through all of this. She offered to set up a "nursery" in the family room with toys and activities for the cousins to play with. Her and my dad were there all night watching the kids and holding Tanner for me. I thought it was so sweet of her. 

I was so impressed by Carrie and Brenden through all of this. They are a great couple and were so strong together. 

Trevor and Gretchen were able to fly in from Puerto Rico and it was so nice to have them there. 

Saturday morning we were up early getting everyone ready so we could be at the church before the viewing started. We ran around, setting up tables and the TV's for the slide show. I brought my camera again to help take pictures. In some ways I felt too busy and crazed to "feel". And maybe I was OK with that. People streamed in with grief stricken faces and I could see my week in their eyes. I couldn't even begin to imagine how Carrie and Brenden were doing this. Angels had to be holding them up. Wayne said a very sweet family prayer before we walked into the chapel. My parents, Marcie, Craig and David and Abbey were there. It was so sweet of them all to come. It was a really generous gesture to see them all there, just to be supportive of us. I knew it was a sacrifice on a busy, Saturday morning. 

The service was difficult, of course. Reddin read the life sketch. Sawyer sang a gorgeous musical number. I lead all the cousins in a musical number as well. The bishop and stake president gave really nice talks. It lasted about an hour and a half. 

Afterward, we hurried to the cemetery to help Shelley and Sunni, who had offered to bring dozens and dozens of balloons for a balloon release after the grave dedication. This was a BIG endeavor. Getting that many balloons into cars and organized at tables with the wind blowing and strings getting dangled was crazy town. And they brought markers for everyone to write a message on the balloons before letting them go. Sunni is Shelley's sister in law. She lost a baby to SIDS and someone did this for her at the cemetery so she wanted to pay it forward. Again, this gesture meant the world. Sunni had also bought 10 loaves of bread from me last year when I was doing the fund raiser for Joshua. She is an incredibly sweet girl. I know this was all for Carrie, but I felt so loved as well. I could never thank them enough. They ordered 5 huge green balloons for their immediate family to write on, because green was Joshua's favorite color. They let go of theirs first, then the rest of us released the others. I tell you what, it really was so cool to see them all float away together. Everyone standing together, looking up, enjoying a moment of happiness. These bright, balls of love drifting into the sky, painting a cheerful landscape over an otherwise heartbreaking occasion. 

I don't want to pretend that I understand why such horrible things happen in life. But I can recognize the love and blessings that surround those who suffer. The opportunities it gives us to come together and share in the pain and burdens of such trials. And the chance it provides not only to show love and support, but receive love and support from our family and friends. It was a growing experience. Never one you'd wish for. And certainly not one that is over and done with in a day. But with faith in God, we can hope for more understanding and meaning in time. And know that Joshua's spirit is still alive and most definitely near.