Safari #2

I'm going to skip ahead to our second safari on Tuesday! It was optional and you had to pay more money to go, but we hadn't seen any elephants or giraffes on the first safari so I was game! 

This time, I was with a whole different group of people. It was all teenagers and young, single adults... and me... the 33 year old mom with 3 kids. I think jamming to their hipster music with them helped me fit in OK. ;)  I'm sad we didn't take a picture of all of us! There was Cole, Aaron, Haylee, Aaroet, Aylana, Natalia, and Melanie. We got Phillip again as our tour guide. Aaron and Becky were in the second jeep with their kids. 

We got off to a rough start when our jeep broke down! 

We were stranded on the side of the road for about an hour and these kids immediately came to check us out. Their mom was washing laundry in a bucket within eyesight and seemed to regard us warily. The teenagers brought out their phones and speakers to try and dance with them and I swear the looks on their faces would have been no different if a spaceship had landed and aliens were trying to play with them!

We were finally rescued and on our way again.

Always intrigued by the little towns we passed....

Here we are! Lake Manyara. It's known for it's tree lions, elephants and giraffes. 

While we waited to get all checked in, we perused the little "convenience store" shack. I'd always heard that in foreign countries when you can't drink the water, Coca Cola is the way to go. I really don't like Coke at all, but thought it seemed fitting under the circumstances. Add an overpriced Twix bar to the mix and I was simultaneously back at home and as sugared up as I needed to be. In fact, I believe it was this very combo that spelled out the beginning of  my stomach troubles later that day. Just you wait. 

This safari wasn't quite as exciting. The terrain was very different in that I felt like we were driving through the jungle all day. This was our first sight of a giraffe... look hard! 

It was disappointing that we never got any closer to the giraffes. Here is a look through our binoculars. 

We did see several different elephants throughout the day!

And those uber exciting water buffalo were in abundance once again. ;)

This is where we stopped for lunch. The same box lunch we had on the last safari, but this time there were some tables and we were allowed to eat outside, overlooking the lake. I ate my cheese sandwich, an egg and cookie and started feeling queasy, so I retreated to the jeep to lay down for a minute. I had a sinking feeling that my infamous stomach troubles were finally about to embrace foreign territory. The problem always is that I can feel it coming, but there's nothing I can do to either speed up the process, nor delay the inevitability. So as the group came back to the jeep I casually asked Phillip where the nearest bathroom was. He looked puzzled and pointed off in the distance vaguely. As I pressed him for a more definite ETA, he said it would be about a 15 minute drive. I knew we were sort of on a predetermined path and didn't want to make the whole group detour because of me, so I just "jokingly" warned him and everyone else that I may need a pit stop at some point. Cole helpfully offered some baby wipes his mom had stashed away in his backpack. Ah. Now I was truly embracing my "geriatric" status on this trip. We spent the next couple of hours, bumping along, looking at animals... all the while my stomach churned and taunted me. 

There were constant groups of baboons everywhere. We watched a large field of them interacting with each other and it was pretty interesting. A fight broke out, they were cleaning each other and running around. It was like a live version of some Travel Channel documentary. 

Then we saw them!! Elephants! Right in front of us on the road. We kept our screams to a minimal so as to not scare them. 

Phillip slowly crept behind them as they veered off into the bushes. 

And then... we watched! And I tell you, it was FASCINATING!!!

They were SO CLOSE!! Almost, reach out and touch them close! They were playing with each other and hooking trunks and seemingly trying to take down this giant tree. One of them lifted his trunk up and made the loud elephant noise! Now, we've all heard an elephant noise before.... we see them at the zoo... we imitate them with our children, BUT there was just something about hearing it in the wild. It was different! It was WILD!!! Haha, we were understandably (or perhaps un-understanbly) giddy. Everyone was glued to the side of the jeep taking pictures and video and whispering in hushed tones. THEN. We had probably been watching for 10ish minutes when it happened. My stomach twisted and the captivating scene I had been witnessing suddenly flew out of my mind as I knew. This was it. I had suppressed and prayed it off long enough and my bowels were NOT to be put off any longer. I groaned. My life... I tell you. UGH!!! I grabbed Cole's baby wipes and decided that asking Phillip for forgiveness would be easier than asking his permission as I tried to exit the jeep. That dang man noticed though! I was 5 steps out of the jeep when he came bursting through, crazy eyed and shouting, "Where are you going?!!!" Without much effort, I matched his crazy eyes and said, "I'm sorry, but I have TO GO!!" He started flailing his arms and shaking his head and in his thick accent warning me that I absolutely could not leave the jeep. Just then, the second jeep with the Hale family in it (who had been behind us the whole time) caught wind of what was going down and the panicked mom, Becky,  shouted at me from the top of her jeep, "Wait, Stephanie!!! I HAVE A DIAPER!!!!!" 

Are you letting that sink in?

I think I paused for 2 seconds to let this process. Did she really think strapping on a size 3 diaper in the back of the jeep and pooping next to everyone was a feasible option?!! I'll take the charging elephants! THANKS!

Then Phillip's shouting came back into my register as he pleaded that it wasn't safe (and I'm guessing he could get in a lot of trouble if I was eaten while pooping) so he promised me he'd take me quickly to another spot. I swallowed and climbed back into the jeep, miraculously holding it two more minutes as he sped us away from the creatures everyone had been admiring (yes, I was LITERALLY the party pooper). 

I was sweating in anxiety when he finally pulled over and with scared, darting eyes, instructed me that I could get out here, but to NOT go off in the bushes. Grrrrrreat. Recall that this jeep has open windows and an open roof. So basically my only option, other than having a teenager witness while I squatted, was to go directly behind the jeep where the spare tire was. I resigned myself to the knowledge that at any point and time of my bum exposure, another unsuspecting jeep full of tourists could come rounding the corner. Not what they had signed up for, I'm sure. Thankfully, I was at least spared THAT embarrassment. When the deed was done, and I had left the entire contents of my colon, along with any dignity, on that African road, I took my walk of shame back to my seat. For the record, the kids were super nice about everything. They didn't act grossed out or appalled at all. Maybe because poop just doesn't embarrass boys and girls are super sympathetic?? Or perhaps it was just one of those situations where they thought, "At least it wasn't me." I don't know. 

But folks, it wasn't over yet. 

I had hoped once I got back on the jeep that Phillip would speed away as fast as lightening, but instead, he pulled forward a few yards, AND THEN DID A U- TURN!!!!!!!!!

Seriously?!

Seriously.
So we all got a nice view on the way back out. 

 I. Can't. Even. 

Whaaaaat the heck?????!!!!!!!!

That sealed the deal. Most humiliating moment of my entire existence. I'm surprised I didn't just jump out and let the wild animals take me. I mean, I ask you, what did I do to deserve this? What poop god did I offend?! My "irritated" bowels have betrayed me many times before, but I am now officially irritated at THEM! 

So. You are welcome for the most TMI story ever. Hug your colon and thank your lucky stars you are not Stephanie Evans, because this was the crappiest experience everrrrr.