Today was a hard one for me. I took Weston in for some shots, but since he had a cough, the doctor was going to take a look at him first. I put him on the scale and was shocked when it read 14lbs 7oz. He hadn't gained any weight since the last time he was in. I was beside myself when the nurse started to berate me about his immunizations, telling me he was behind and scolding me for not keeping up on them. I've never been so short with someone before. I'm all of 2 weeks behind on his shots!! And if it weren't for all his therapy and helmet appointments, I'd probably be up to date. I feel like all I do is take this kid to the doctor. I was on the verge of walking out and never going back, but I think she realized she'd picked the wrong day to harp on me. Once we were roomed, Collin wanted me to read to him, but all I could do was cry. The doctor ended up telling me that it was time to stop nursing and force him to take formula. I feel like I've tried everything short of completely cutting him off... but I guess it's come to that now. I've tried different bottles, different nipples, different sippy cups, drinking straight from a cup and using a spoon. I've tried yogurt, cereal mixed with formula, mashing avacado and bananas, baby food, etc. Two nights ago I tried coconut milk and he loved it! He was actually opening up his mouth for it! I was over the moon. Just ask Trav, I was giddy with excitement. That's when I took this picture.

It was going to be his "before" picture... when he was skinny. And a month down the road I was going to post his "after" picture, all chubbed up! Well it was a short lived dream when the next two nights he was completely not interested in the coconut milk.

I came home from the appointment and it was about time for him to eat. I again fixed a bottle and tried to give it to him. He tolerated it for about point two seconds (meaning he chewed on it and batted at it) then screamed bloody murder. I caved and nursed him again. But that's the trouble... he loves nursing! And he's completely content inbetween feedings. I just don't get it. It's going to be so hard breaking him of nursing. I hate to see him scream when I know I can fix it! But I guess that's the bigger problem... it's doing him more harm than good.

It's all such a huge let down. When I think of all the hours nursing! Seriously, hundreds of hours! And these are supposed to be the pay off months. When they eat in a jiffy and are chubby rolls of cuteness. I saw a commercial today with the cutest, chubby baby taking a bath and it about broke my heart. I want a fat, tubby baby! I know there are worse things to have to worry about, but I guess it just makes it a personal blow when you've put so much time, effort, and really love, into something, to have it fail. It's interesting the emotions that get tied up in nursing. You almost don't realize they're there until you have to stop doing it. I look at that picture and I just love him so much! And I feel like it's all my fault he's so skinny. Why on earth do I have to make skim milk?