Mother's Day

I had a pretty wonderful Mother's Day. I got to sleep in, listen to some heart felt talks in church, take a nap, and have dinner made for me! Trav bent over backwards to make sure I felt loved and pampered and it worked. And the sun was shining for all of it! 

It's still a little weird to realize I'm a mother. I mean....like when did that happen?! And yet, here I sit, with two of the most wonderful little boys I could ask for. AND a husband who takes an active role in raising them, all the while being loving and patient with the woman who struggles being both of those things. 

A while back I read a quote that really struck home to me.

 “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11). 

I can't help but get tears in my eyes when I read that because I know it's personally one of MY greatest downfalls. I live to check things off the list. I'm stressed unless my house is clean. I'm cranky when I'm sleep deprived. I'm short with my family when I feel like the day has been unproductive. Why does there ALWAYS have to be dishes in the sink, clothes in the hamper, toys strewn across the floor, a lesson unprepared, and fat on my butt?! And more importantly, WHY can't I just accept that that's how it's always going to be and be happy in spite of it?

My mom is the greatest example to me of a mother who simply loves being a mother. She was always so good to not get caught up in the "extras" of life. She will hold and rock a baby until the cows come home and KNOW that she was the most productive that day, for just doing that. She loves to spend time with her kids and her kids know they are loved because they are her first priority. I want to be more like my Mom. I want my kids to know at the end of the day that my family is always my top priority.

Mother's Day evening, we got to Skype with my family. You can even see me in the background of this picture. :)

I wanted to see my Mom open her present that was from all of us kids. I asked for everyone's help in putting together a book of our testimonies. I had seen a friend do this for her dad's birthday and thought it would be the perfect Mother's Day gift. I think she liked it. :)

It's a very simple scrapbook, but I loved putting it together. I couldn't wait for the emails so I could read what my siblings and their spouses wrote. Each one was unique and special, but we all wrote about the importance of families and the gospel. I know my parents aren't perfect and our family has gone through trials and hard times, but I was humbled by the unity I felt as I read these testimonies. It was a sweet reminder that all those {little things} like church attendence, prayer, scripture study, FHE, and just spending time together, pay off.

My heart kind of aches for my dad because (as he put it) he has had to, ".... after months of soul searching, step off a cliff and leave my career (just after finally reaching the “pinnacle” of 3 decades of a whole lot of work) and face the daunting reality of trying to re-invent myself in the midst of the worst possible economic conditions in my lifetime. Faith (or sheer stupidity), hope, perseverance, and maintaining a positive outlook take on a whole new dimension and meaning, let me tell you."

I hope he doesn't mind me sharing that piece of an email I got recently. When I think of my father I think of hard work. I've just really never met anyone that works harder than he does. He has thrown his life into a career that he felt he had to walk away from last summer and I can't imagine the emotions he's been going through since. To quote another part of the email... "If you think you’re being overly self-depreciative and introspectively critical now, just wait until you’re 49-ish! It’s like you suddenly wake up one day and ask yourself, 'so, what was it - exactly - that I actually did or accomplished with my life over the past 4 – 5 decades???'” 

Reading that, broke my heart. One the one hand, I can't imagine how he feels, but on the other hand- given our similarities in personalities- I think I know just how he feels. I would feel completely worthless, thinking that thirty years of blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifices had symbolically gone down the drain.

However...

 Dad, to answer your question.... over the past 4-5 decades, you've raised 7 children who idolize you and want nothing more than to be like you. You have 7 children, that because of the example of you and mom, have strong testimonies of the gospel and are doing all they can to live the gospel truths you've taught them. You have three children married in the temple. One return missionary and one on a mission. (And hopefully two more on deck.) We aren't perfect... far from it, but if we've done anything worthwhile with our lives, it's because of our parents. In that respect, we hit the parent jackpot. :)

So even though it was technically Mother's Day, I hope my Mom and Dad both know they are loved more than we can say.